Away From Home - Coping with the Unexpected

Regardless of whether the 'unexpected' or crisis at home is a change in financial support, a natural disaster, an illness or death of a loved one, etc. you might experience some or all of the following emotional responses:

• panic (what am I going to do? ... I can't handle this ... etc.)
• shock (I can't believe this is happening; there must be a mistake.)
• fear (what if things are worse than I know right now? how can I go on without...? etc...)
• denial (maybe it isn't true, etc...)
• guilt (I should have been there! Perhaps feeling glad to be safe, yet, at the same time guilty for not being there. etc...)
• anger (why does this happen to me? ... Your family's wishes and needs may be in conflict with your own.)
• depression (feeling all alone, isolated, hopeless, desperate, you may have difficulties concentrating, sleeping, eating, etc...)

Besides these emotional reactions you may also experience physical symptoms such as:

• stomach aches,
• headaches,
• diarrhea or
• back pain

You may worry not only about your situation at home but also about how your academic work is affected; you may need to take some time off from school or even withdraw completely from your classes. You may be concerned about how to pay for a flight home on such short notice, etc. Since your usual support system and ways of coping with problems may not be available to you, it might be helpful to know who might be able to assist you while being away from home.

Being far away from home it might be helpful to think about the issues involved in dealing with a crisis situation ahead of time. Certainly the hope is that nothing difficult will happen especially while you are separated from your family. However, it is also true that crisis situations often provide an opportunity to examine your life and to find out whether you have 'unfinished business' with someone and/ or whether your priorities are in order, etc...

For instance, you may have left home while being in conflict with a family member or friend; you may have told yourself you will deal with these matters when you go home next. Perhaps you should not wait, but express your thoughts in a letter or phone call. The purpose is to leave little room for missed opportunities. It is easy to tell yourself 'I will take care of it later." It is very sad when it is too late.

Additionally, it may be helpful to have names, phone numbers and addresses available of family members, friends, and neighbors at home who might be a resource in the case of an emergency. Please take a moment and note these. If you don't have all the information available, fill in later.

My Emergency Contacts Form (PDF)

My Emergency Contacts Form (Word)

When needing to deal with a crisis, it is helpful to think about how you may have dealt with difficult situations in the past.It also might be beneficial to let friends and other significant people in your present life know how they best can assist you in certain circumstances.

It may be important for others to know how your customs and ways of handling problems may differ, especially when your own cultural background is different from those of the people around you. For instance, in this country if a parent is sick, he or she may share his/her illness in detail with other family members to feel close and to get support, while in your country a parent may not inform you about his/her illness to protect you.

Generally in this country people tend to relate information regarding an illness and/ or a death in the family very directly, while in your country, the respectful way might be to wait for an appropriate time which may be several weeks after the fact. Keeping these differences in mind, please think about:

• Who ideally should relate difficult 'news' to you?
• How best would information regarding a difficult event be shared with you?
• Who else should be present?
• What are some of your ways to deal with stress?

Some coping ways that you may not have considered are:

• Write down thoughts and feelings; keep a journal.
• Express your feelings to a friend.
• If you live in a dorm, talk to your resident assistant.
• Exercise, go for a run, swim etc...

As mentioned earlier, the hope is that you won't have to confront a crisis situation but if you have to, this information may at least be helpful in dealing with the issues at hand. Also, remember that in every crisis lies an opportunity.